I just got home from a terribly bad day at work. Let me just say that I loathe making mistakes. I hate apologizing, and what I REALLY hate is making mistakes on top of mistakes - i.e. send a faculty member their "revised, final proposal budget and then finding ANOTHER mistake. AAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK. Now, I have to email him with the dreaded words that no one wants to say or hear - there is one last revision on the budget....sigh. I am feeling very sorry for myself - (I'm sorry for him too but I'm more sorry for me.)
On top of that my boss and co worker and I were talking about diets and health - and I said that my nutritionist put me on more calories than I had been having as I wasn't eating enough to lose weight. I could hear my supervisor's thoughts - you ARE EATING TOO MUCH to lose weight. I mean I could be projecting those thoughts on to him but I could hear the disbelief in his voice. I will have to lose enough for it to show before he would believe me. Hopefully that will happen as I'm still trying to stick with the plan. I truly believe that I will lose weight as I am eating around 1,200 - 1,350 calories per day and I am increasing my exercise. But still, the pounds aren't going fast and I really don't want them to because I really want to lose this weight permanently. I'm in it this time to change my habits; and that's a long term project.
With that said - I also have to say that what I discovered yesterday has had a huge impact on my life already. Today, I was driving home and feeling terrible, but wonder of wonders for once I didn't crave chocolate. I am "owning" and consciously feeling the bad feelings and I'm not eating chocolate to make me focus on something other than my mistakes. That is a HUGE difference in my life. Also, since I am admitting these feelings and feeling them I have the urge to go downstairs and workout. I think I may be starting to deal with them in a different way which is extremely exciting.
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