Best Friends

I met Jan on the first day of high school when she walked into speech class and sat down next to me.  We started a conversation that day that lasted for eight years.  We talked through speech class, we talked through band camp, we talked through typing class (until I got moved to the other side of the room), we talked through synchronized swimming, we spent our summers by the pool talking and laughing with friends, we attended the same university and we talked through our years there.  But we haven't talked in the last 15 years.  We didn't have a disagreement or turn our backs on each other; rather she married and moved to Utah and I stayed in Michigan and neither of us were very good at correspondence. We were each busy with our own lives but I have absolutely no doubt that if we ran into each other on the street we would have taken up right where we left off 15 years earlier because that's the way we were.

Jan died this week.  When I think of her now it won't be as my friend who lives in Utah.  Instead, I remember her as she was in high school and college; the friend who lent me her car, the friend who constantly told me to stop worrying, and yes, the friend who got me in trouble in Mr. Bigelow's typing class for talking too much.  The last time I saw her was at a picnic years ago.  We were both in our 40's  and I remember so clearly, she was jumping on a trampoline and laughing and her streaky blond hair was flying everywhere and it's a picture of her that is so real and true to who she was that it makes me grateful to be able to remember her that way.  I am blessed to have known her.

Danger Zone Revisited

It's 7:51 on Saturday morning and I am thinking about my day.  The weekend is the worst time for me with regards to poor eating habits and snacking.  I really don't want to live my life snacking away the weekends so I need a plan to keep me on track to feeling good.  I want today to be different.  How to I deal with the danger zone?  How do I avoid the siren's call of the Peeps in the cupboard (at least until dessert tonight.)  How do I stop from snacking on crackers or processed foods?

I think it's all about commitment.  Initially I thought  "I have to commit to not eating the wrong kind of snacks today." In my mind it was all about deprivation and saying no to the temptation, but as I reflect on that issue, I think it's not quite right.  I think what I really need to do is to commit to a plan for the day so that I'm eating the right kind of snacks and meals.   This feels right and I think it's the first (and most important) step.  Next, I need to structure my time.  Make a set of goals for the day, just like I do when I'm at work.  Finally, what I am going to do is put my exercise as the number one priority for the day.  I'm going to go out at 9:00 and ride my bike.  Hopefully that will give me the power to put these other plans into effect. 

Lastly, I'm going to watch episode 3 of Jamie Oliver's food revolution.  I'm also picking a recipe from his cookbook to make for dinner tonight.

Classic Potato Chips

Today I was planning to work all day for one of my co-workers who had the day off.  At 2:00 my boss said "why don't we close up at 3 and leave?"  I guess because it is a holiday a lot of offices were closed and we had only had one telephone call all day.  What a nice surprise for the day. 

My husband and I are having dinner with our friends, Phil and Julie tonight.  Grilled rainbow trout, redskin potatos, asparagus, and cole slaw.  We are providing dessert.  Ice Cream - we made very small balls of ice cream rolled some in crushed peanuts and some in toasted coconut and some we left alone.  It's a nice, very pretty way to savor a very small amount of ice cream and still fell like you had dessert.  It is in the 70" here in Michigan and we plan to sit out and enjoy the weather. 

With all of those good things to enjoy and anticipate why did I buy the little bag of potato chips today?  I don't want to eat chips, I don't like myself when I eat chips, I feel guilty afterword.  I had plenty of lunch and was not hungry so there is no reason for me to need to have potato chips.  I'm trying not to beat myself up about it but it's hard.  I seem to have an excuse for everything. 

I am still happy with my overall progress this year.  I have been happier since December than I ever remember being and that is de to the fact that I have let go of so many self imposed expectations, I have seen some changes, and I feel like I'm poised on the edge of big changes.  It's very exciting.