Panic

This morning I got up and weighed myself and I gained another pound.  As I looked at the number I felt panic rise up inside me.  Mentally I was screaming "noooooo" this can't be happening.  The program had been so easy to stay on and now I can't seem to do it if my life depended on it.   I think that the words that are running just under my conscious thoughts are "you can't do this, just give up, you will never succeed, you are a quitter, you've never finished anything in your life..." and on and on and on.

In a way, I'm kind of glad this has happened because I realized something really important - I have forgotten how to love myself fat and all.  In the beginning of this program, when I lost a pound I would gently let it go, saying goodbye and moving on.  Lately, I've been hating my fat and I think that might be the root of the problem.  I'm not acting with love towards myself and my body knows it. 

When I don't show love to myself I move into an emotional place that is rigid and tense, and controlling.  A world where one either succeeds or fails, a world where it is all about the end result and not about the process.

So, I'm cutting myself some slack, realizing that there will be times when I lose my way, and giving thanks that it is becoming easier to find my way back.  I take a minute to breathe, give myself a mental and emotional hug and move on.  I feel calmer and more hopeful.