Randomness

I have been using My Fitness Pal for the last month and I must say, it is very empowering and effective.  I don't know whether the effectiveness is because this time, when I started my weight loss journey I began last January and worked first on the emotional parts.  I have worked hard since last spring on being happy, reading the Happiness Project and choosing to be happy despite my circumstances.  Slowly I have begun to accept my mistakes and not beat myself up.  Slowly I have begun to take risks and not beat myself up when I fail.  Slowly I have developed an affection for myself; an ability to give myself a mental hug when I need it.  Slowly, I have learned what my strengths are, what my calling is, and what I want to do in life.  I think these things are what are empowering  my weight loss.  The MFP site gives me the tools to use, and the social support to succeed. 
   As each pound leaves I say a sort of mental and emotional goodbye.  Each little pound served a function.  It cushioned me against emotional pain, it provided a barrier when I didn't know how to say no, and it took the blame when I failed at something.  I could always say "I didn't get that job because I was fat" or "people don't like me because I'm fat," or "I'm not worth anything because I'm fat" or "I have to please people because I'm fat." I couldn't find my way out of my problems without berating myself and beating myself up, I ate and the act of eating numbed me to the pain. 
  So I have learned to be happy.  I have learned how to act happy even when I'm not, and that act of pretending to be happy makes be become happy.  Yesterday, on my way home from work my husband was telling me about some problems he was having at work and I got more and more defeated.  And more and more frustrated.  I came home and ate 2 cereal bowls of potato chips and 5 mini peanut butter cups.  Then I had an epiphany.  I told myself that I wasn't doing this anymore, I told my husband that the only thing I could do for him was love him, and love the people that are giving him the problems,  and we had to choose to be happy and spread that happiness to the people he works with.  I funnily enough, I became happy.  I felt the weight of the pressure to please people roll off my shoulders.  I stuck to my eating plan for the rest of the evening.

I feel so much lighter.